This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
