Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
