this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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