took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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