I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
