definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
