Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
