U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
