my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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