STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
