You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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