so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Help. Why am I so naked?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
