You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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