Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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