Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
