She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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