I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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