Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
