Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
