I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My bed smells like the plague
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
