In the future we'll all be gay
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
