he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
