Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
