his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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