I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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