I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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