You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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