do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
