I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
