HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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