i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
