I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
