I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
