Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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