i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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