I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
