Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
