he told me I talked like a deaf person
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
