operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
