So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please come you make the beer taste better
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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