I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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