you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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