Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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