Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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