oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
