There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
