After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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