I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
