I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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