EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
