So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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