dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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