i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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