Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
