I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
