last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
