I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
