return my video game
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
