did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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