Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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