the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
