Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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