Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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