She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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