I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
