Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
