ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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