Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
