my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
